Hosting a Regular Party or Group Outing: Be a Person Worth Knowing

You might not expect a post like “you should host a regular party or outing” to be controversial…but believe it or not, I’ve gotten some negative feedback writing about party hosting. It’s not “beginner’s” material, to some, because you need to make friends before you can invite friends out.

They’re missing a key point: you don’t have to be “Facebook official” with people to host them.

When I lived with roommates, I would piggy-back off of their respective acquaintances and friends by getting behind the bar, even though I didn’t really know any of the people directly.

I made being a host part of the way I made friends.

You should, too.

Principles: Why Play Host?

Give-to-Give: The Golden Rule

I was at a bar in Indianapolis when I first saw “Give-to-Give” in action.

At bars, I used to be stingy with my tips. Tip a buck here, a buck there. Sometimes no tips at all.

Then I read the work of suave man extraordinnaire Brent Smith and learned he has a very simple motto that governs most of his social interactions. He calls it “Give-to-Give.

The concept is simple: give for the sake of giving, not to get something in return. Be generous with your time and energy for the sake of being generous.

So, on the first drink of the night in that bar in Indianapolis, I tipped the man five dollars on my drink, expecting nothing in return - I just wanted to be a good tipper.

Later, the bartender came around with a round of free shots, which we drank together.

If you give for the sake of giving, other people will treat you the same way: they’ll give in return. But here’s the kicker: you can’t give to people expecting something in return…when you do, you’ll give off a needy vibe.

That night in Indianapolis, I wasn’t expecting a free drink - and that might be exactly why I got one.

I’ve always tipped well on the first drink ever since.

Don’t Procrastinate: Be Peoples’ Friend Now, Not Later

So what does hosting a party or organizing a group outing have to do with giving people things?

Simple. It’s the Golden Rule. Treat people how you want to be treated. If you want more friends, you’re going to have to start acting like a friend first.

The PMs I’ve gotten from people requesting I not post about parties are well-intentioned but misguided. They don’t see that taking on a “Golden Rule” mindset helps you make friends.

Do not procrastinate. Do not put off living a fun and social lifestyle simply because you think you need to reach some arbitrary “Friendmaker lvl. 4” status that’s only in your own head. Start acting as if you are suave, right now.

Okay. Now that I’ve got that off my chest, let’s talk about being a source of social interaction rather than someone always leeching off the work of others.

Variables: Choosing the Party or Group Outing that Works For You

There are essentially two variables to choose from as you begin to organize your parties:

• What will your party or group outing be like? Will you organize a camping trip amongst friends? Will you schedule an informal “we’re meeting out for drinks on Friday” event monthly? A quarterly poker night with the guys? Do what most appeals to you, because your enthusiasm will be infectious.
• How often will you do this? If you don’t have the resources of Jay Gatsby, you don’t have to throw a party every night. You can simply throw one in occasionally.

##Dream Big, Start Small

Inspiration #1 Inspiration #2 Inspiration #3

Take a few minutes right now and give yourself permission to dream big - even TOO big - for a moment.

If you could host the party/get-together of your dreams, what would it look like?

Feel free to go balls out on this fantasy. Pretend you have the resources to live life on your terms. If you want to live it up like Leonardo DiCaprio on a yacht, picture that. If you want to host a bangin New Year’s Party at your mansion, picture that. Whatever you want to do, picture your ideal party as a snippet within your ideal life.

Okay, back to your computer screen.

What would it take you to go from where you are now to what ou just imagined? Let me let you in on a little secret: you don’t have to be as rich as Leonardo DiCaprio to have a taste of that life.

Remember, we’re all about seizing the day here at /r/GetSuave - living an extraordinary life.

This is where you have to get resourceful. Start asking yourself how you might throw a banging party that takes people into another dimension, if even for a night:

• Rent, don’t own. Instead of buying a yacht, charter a boat. Instead of buying a mansion, rent a place out. It’s perfectly common to invite people to kick in an “entry fee” for things like party buses and limousines; you can do the same thing but for more extraordinary logistics. We live in the age of Google, people: no excuses. Type in “boat charters [my city]” and get started figuring out who offers the best prices.
• Build up a reputation for your parties first. No one’s asking you to turn into Dan Bilzerian overnight. You’ll want to build up a regular “crew” of people who will show up to your parties, and in order to do that, you have to keep “giving to give” from the very start, even if you start with a simple “drinks at my place” premise.

Eventually, as you build up your ability to play host and you remember that dream you had when you read that one brilliant post on /r/GetSuave, you’ll be able to build up into something remarkably close if not right on the money to the kind of party lifestyle you’ve always dreamed of.

The Process: Why “But I Don’t Have Any Friends” Is Not An Excuse

I’ve had people PM me saying “but champagnehouse, why are you writing about parties when I can’t even make friends to invite to parties?”

This is fundamentally flawed thinking, because it misses the point: part of the point of having parties is making new friends.

When I started playing bartender for the friends of my friends, I didn’t really know any of them. But you can bet that they wanted to get to know the guy giving them free drinks pretty damn quickly.

But I understand that some people who log on to /r/GetSuave are staring from scratch. So let’s look at this in terms of levels. Pick the level you’re at, and get started:

• Level One: No friends and no life. You’re going to have to fake it a little bit, and start small. Don’t go chartering a yacht if there’s no one to enjoy it. If you meet an acquaintance, you might say “I’m hosting this little get together next month. Drinks are on me. Here’s my number.” It’s really much simpler than you first think. And here’s the kicker: even if no one shows up, do it anyway. Go to the bar you planned to go to and if one guy shows up, buy him drinks. You ahve to start somewhere.
• Level Two: You know people, but no one is showing up. You’re going to have to incentivize things. This is where “giving to give” comes in - and it might require some money. Call some local bars or clubs to see if there are any group deals you can get. Talk to a limousine company about a “night on the town” deal. Organize a simple bar crawl and offer free drinks for everyone who shows up to the first bar.
• Level Three: Growing the reputation. Eventually, if you are consistent with your outings, you’ll start to grow a reputation and people will start to invite their own friends to come along. That’s good! That’s exactly what you want to happen; you want things to develop a life of their own. What you do is simple: you welcome each new party-goer not as a mooch, but as your friend. You’re still giving to give. Even when people are mooching off of your initiative.
• Level Four: Make it extraordinary. Now that you’re growing a reputation as throwing a great party, you’ll want to step up your game. This is when you think about incorporating a yacht charter or something similar. You’ll want to take people out of their normal lives and make it seem like you live in some alternative suave dimension. Simply inviting people at this point will be giving-to-give.
• Level Five: Make it exclusive. Eventually, it will become too big…and since you were the one to create this whole shindig, you don’t want it to get away from you. So create an exclusive “VIP” list. Be discerning with who you invite. Cultivate the air of an exclusive event that people want to get into.

The Tools: Finding People and Organizing Events

Okay, back to level one. Where does one start?

• Meetup.com is great for starting groups…and for meeting people in the first place. Having a regular shindig to invite other people you meet in MeetUp groups is a great way to turn them from acquaintances into real friends that you see in your personal life. If you’re short on friends and acquaintances, don’t start a Meetup just yet until you have people who would be interested.
• EventBrite is a great tool for creating your party as an event that people can click to, so it’s easier to find you and any party details.
• Facebook should be used sparingly, of course, but as a party planner…it has uses.

Get to making friends, and get to enjoying your life - and, perhaps more importantly, get to improving the lives of others simply because they know you. You’ll astonished at the rewards…but, of course, that’s not why you’re doing it.