The Simple Guide to Meeting and Making New Friends

Meeting new people is one of those concepts that sounds easy on the surface…until you move to a new city and find yourself sitting alone in your apartment on Saturday night, wondering how to cross the invisible barrier between you and the outside world.

Truth be told, meeting new people isn’t always as easy for introverts as you might think. And the older you get without having friends or a girlfriend, the more awkward you feel about your ability to meet new people and make friends.

This guide is not going to make meeting new people any easier - the same way I can’t make curling 25 pound dumbbells any easier for you except to tell you to get your ass to the gym. But follow the steps contained therein, and you’ll be surprised at how much your social circle can balloon in a matter of weeks.

Step One: Take Your Interests Social

Ninety percent of success in life is just showing up.

-Woody Allen

From now on, commit to less social interaction online and more in person. Just show up. This is a very simple formula:

• Take a look at my post on “Social Hobbies” and identify two or three social hobbies that most pique your interest.
• Go to sites like Meetup.com to search for that specific hobby and sign up for any upcoming gatherings in your area. Meetup not enough for you? Try apps like FourSquare and Nearify. There are countless tools for you to find events and likeminded people - you don’t have an excuse for failling on this step.
• Attend 2-3 gatherings per week…more if you want to get all “Yes Man” about it.

The key here: you’re not going out to randomly meet people on the street. You’re going out to meet people who come pre-qualified with at least one similar interest. Not only does that help you make connections faster, but will generally help you find “your kind of crowd.” Sure, there will be some people completely unlike you…but you’ll likely luck out and find a few who just “click.”

Further, be willing to pay money. Taking cooking classes, for example, is money well-spent: it kills two birds with one stone, giving you a new life skill and making you more interesting … while also serving as an excuse to talk to other people and work on your social skills and connections.

But remember: just sign up. Just get out there. 90% in life is just showing up.

The key? Don’t do it just once, wuss out, go home, and tell yourself that this GetSuave stuff doesn’t work. It’s hard to make new friends in a new environment sometimes; it’s anxiety-inducing. But you’d be amazed at how the nerves exponentially die away on the 2nd and 3rd time, when the environment is familiar and you feel comfortable where you are.

Remember the movie Yes Man? In the movie, Jim Carrey’s character takes a vow that he’ll say yes to every opportunity that comes his way. His life ends up far richer for it, full of new friends and deeper connections with his existing friends. Decide to be more like that. Stop saying no to life, deferring your plans to computer time, and instead get active about meeting new people.

Show up.

Step Two: Force Yourself to Talk to Everyone (But Be Normal)

I want you to commit the following sentence to memory:

Hi, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m [your name here.]

In short, learn the art of introducing yourself. NEVER allow yourself to stand on the sidelines again, not even when you’re in a class and feeling out the environment. A suave person is someone who enters a situation and decides that he or she will decide what the social context will be.

Think about it: when you enter a new social situation with others, everyone’s looking for cues as to how to behave. They want to know if they’re expected to be polite…or if they can let loose a little. Call it the “Moment of Awkward.” It is crucial that you overcome the Moment of Awkward by showing a little assertiveness. Show them that it’s okay to be themselves…by being yourself and taking that first step.

Do this on the first day and you’ll be amazed at how people open up. In fact, I’ve had the most success in new settings when I just “show up” as that guy everyone can talk to.

If you’re an introvert, you’re going to have to try a little bit of “fake it ‘til you make it.” But you’ll be amazed at the results.

After all, you’re entering a new social situation. People don’t know you. They have few assumptions to make about your personality except from what they’re presented with. If you’re open and talkative from day one, you’ll be establishing a first impression that can last you an entire series of classes. You might find other people who are less comfortable will approach you.

This is the part where you have to lift the weights, however. I can’t make you do it. You’ll have to get out of your comfort zone and force yourself to talk to everyone.

What do you say? Anything. Remember: there is power in being normal.. Treat people like they’re already your friends, and you’ll be amazed to see that they treat you the same way in return.

• Conquer the “Moment of Awkward.” When everyone’s in a new place or trying to figure out a situation, make sure that you establish that you’re worth talking to by introducing yourself.
• Make an effort to talk to everyone. Old men, old women, attractive men, attractive women, everyone who’s there.
• Be normal. Treat people like you already regard them as friends or acquaintances, and you’ll find they’ll do the same with you. Consult The Power of Being Normal for more.

Step Three: Be a Social Point of “Gravity,” Not Anti-Gravity

Context means everything in the social world. Thus far, you’ve done a good job of establishing yourself as someone to know…in a certain context.

But you don’t have a new friend until you see someone from your class / meetup group / event in a different context. If you merely show up to new places and talk to a lot of people, you’ll find yourself meeting new people naturally; sometimes, they’ll even do the work for you. But if you really want to establish a social circle of your very own, some additional assertiveness is required.

• Be a source of social events. Plan a monthly outing for drinks, even if you’re the only one in your social circle. Set a date for it: the first Friday of every month. As you meet new people, say, “hey, me and my friends go out for drinks on the first Friday of every month. Want to join us next time?” Make up your own, too. This is just a suggestion. The point? Have something that you regularly do so that you can invite someone out and see them outside of the normal context of the usual classes.
• Organize big outings. Throw yourself a birthday party and rent a party bus. Organize a camping weekend. Don’t always wait for other people to make plans; make plans yourself. There’s a whole section on party throwing in this subreddit specifically because it’s that important to be a source of social fun instead of constantly drawing on what others do.
• Get creative. Create your own MeetUp group. Start a Subreddit for your local town. Be a point of contact, and not someone always doing the contacting. You’ll find people start to naturally approach you looking to make you as a connection.

In short: once you know someone well enough, invite them out. To make it a more comfortable offer to accept, plan a monthly group event where the pressure isn’t on any one person to say yes.

Meeting New People for College Students

College is like a pre-designed social environment in which people expect to make new friends and hook up. It’s basically GetSuave on easy mode. But if you’re truly determined, you’ll find a way to waste away in your dorm room while someone else has all the fun.

Don’t be that person. Be assertive about your social life.

• Read “The Power of Being Normal.”. Treat everyone around you in your classes like friends from day one.
• Take up one social activity. There are plenty of social activities that are designed for you to simply sign up and join. Fraternities. Sororities. Outings. Events. Whatever. Sign up for something that won’t add too much to your classload and make sure to force yourself to talk to everyone when you show up.
• Throw parties. Young adults expect things to be done for them; you’ll be amazed at how easy it is to start getting approached by others when you’re considered a SOURCE of fun rather than merely another mannequin looking to join the party.

If you want to build a social circle, you can’t do it exclusively on the computer - and you can’t do it with the same habits that brought you to lonely Friday nights. You’ll have to get out there, get out of your comfort zone, and become a source of social fun rather than a drain of it.

Key Takeaways

• Internet doesn’t count. The Internet is a tool to help you find real-life people. Having Internet-only relationships just doesn’t count.
• To meet new people, you have to show up. Find where people like you are gathering, and seek those places and events out.
• Overcome the “Moment of Awkwardness” by introducing yourself first. In many situations, you’ll find that people gather around haphazardly, clinging to people they know, not really doing anything…don’t let yourself do the same. Be the social spark.
• Expose yourself to enough situations that your most compatible friends are naturally made. You’ll find that if you’re social enough, the people who are most like you will sort of naturally become your friends with minimal effort. We’re humans; we’re social beings. Unless you have major problems, it’s going to happen for you, too.
• Be a source of social gravity. Start some sort of monthly informal event with friends. Plan camping outings. Be the leader of a Meetup group. If you’re in college, make the party happen. Part of the magic of the suave person is that wherever they go, fun seems to follow. Be that person; don’t wait for the party to come to you.
• **