How a Suave Man Handles Rejection

If I told you that it was possible to face one of every man’s darkest fears and come out the better for it, you’d probably tell me to go back to selling real estate on Mars.

But it’s true.

Handling rejection with poise, confidence, and class is like doing bench presses for your “suave muscle.” Nothing else will give you more pride, confidence, or satisfaction than handling adversity with a calm, positive attitude.

Now rejection is indeed a scary word. Our fear of rejection is palpable - and well-deserved, since rejection can literally feel like a punch in the gut.

But learning to be suave is impossible until we learn how to deal with this very real fear - and very real problem.

Luckily, with a little mental work, a good attitude, and the right habits, you’ll be able to handle rejection in an empowering way. In fact, when you watch yourself get rejected and handle it with poise, dignity, and class, you’ll pull a Suave Grinch: your confidence will increase three sizes that day.

Bottom line: If you learn how to handle rejection like a suave man, it can do more for your self-confidence than any success.

Principle #1: Abundance Mentality

The “Abundance Mentality” is at the very core of everything you do as a suave man, and it applies to rejections as well. So let’s define it briefly:

Abundance mentality is not confidence that you’ll succeed with any particular woman, but rather the confidence that you can always succeed with the next woman. Abundance mentality says “there’s plenty of fish in the sea.” No matter how sexy she is or how great your vibe is with this particular woman, the abundance mentality is always ready to move to the next one if need be. Common symptoms include relaxation, poise, and confidence.

Think of Jerry Seinfeld in the episode “The Opposite.” In the episode, Jerry’s come to the realization that everything seems to work out evenly for him. Suddenly, he doesn’t fret about any losses, because he’s convinced that the next gain is just around the corner.

Here’s a comedic take on how life can be with the abundance mentality.

This is in contrast to scarcity mentality:

Scarcity mentality places too much emotional investment in one woman’s or one person’s opinion because you believe that there will NOT be a “next time.” You might not expressly think it, but you believe “this is my one chance at love.” Common symptoms include nervousness, fear, and outrageously overblown crushes in a woman you barely know.

Your mentality is largely a result of your internal habits, so don’t expect to will-power yourself into an abundance mentality overnight.

The good news, though, is that many of your fears of rejection will vanish once you truly adopt the abundance mentality. After all, once you have an abundance mentality, any one single rejection doesn’t seem to matter as much. There are more beautiful, intelligent women just around the corner, right?

Principle #2: Take Her Rejection Seriously

There are a lot of reasons a woman might reject you, but it’s important that when she says “go away,” or “I’m not interested,” you take her word for it.

Some keys:

• Don’t linger when she’s explicitly told you off. You were being kind, courteous, and direct, and she was being rude in response. If you have an ounce of self-respect, you’ll ditch the “sales” mentality and say to yourself “okay, this one’s not going to be any fun.” You’re not a used car salesman, and you should not place a woman’s beauty on a pedestal above your basic standards for behavior and respect. Be kind and move along.
• Don’t hound her after you’ve already asked her out. I see this one a lot. Guys say, “I’ve asked her out already, but she’s busy last weekend. Should I ask her out again?” Hell no! She knows your intention now; if she’s interested, she’ll reschedule. Women aren’t sheep who need you to lead them to saying “yes.” They’re capable of making their own decisions and reaching out to you. Stop holding her hand and acknowledge that she’s just not that into you.

A suave man is not a car salesman, continually trying every trick in the book so he can make his quota. The suave man is the man who shows up to the lot and says “Whaddya got?” If he’s not welcome, he’s got better things to do than to linger.

Bottom line: when she rejects you, it’s goodbye time.

It’s okay. The boo-boo will heal in time. Contrary to your scarcity mentality’s instincts, this woman is not your perfect love or your soul mate. Move along.

Principle #3: Have the James Bond Attitude

James Bond is the epitome of a sex symbol.

Yet, oddly enough, there are plenty of examples when he was rejected by beautiful women. Let’s take a look at how James Bond handles this, shall we?

First, “Thunderball.” James Bond is betrayed by a beautiful woman. Does he get angry? Does he worry about his future love life? Does he lament that women are out to get him?

Woman: What a blow it must have been. You, having a failure!

She’s rubbing it in! What an asshole! Any ordinary man would be fucking out of his mind at this point.

But not Bond. What does Bond do? He almost smiles. Somehow, he finds it amusing. Then he drops this quote, almost as if he’s talking to himself:

Bond: Well, you can’t win them all.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=R3XSj6kUGkE#t=78

Yeah, James Bond is a fictional character, but you can learn a lot from his nonchalant attitude towards rejection. “You can’t win them all” is something only someone with a rock-solid abundance mentality would say, because the subtext is “You can’t win them all…but I nearly do.”

Let’s go with a more recent example: “Casino Royale.”

James Bond loses his match of witty repartee with the sultry Vesper Lynd. In fact, she leaves him feeling “skewered,” in his own words.

How does he react?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=S39paDGZ0Ew&safe=active#t=244s

He smiles to himself, as if to say “well, that was interesting.”

Do you think James Bond went to bed that night fretting and cringing over how he’d been skewered by Vesper Lynd? No, because when he was deciding what to think about that interaction, he decided to smile. He kept his cool the entire time and found a way to laugh at the whole thing.

The principle here: James Bond isn’t only a master of talking to others, but he’s a master of talking to himself. He doesn’t succumb to self-pity or self-loathing.

Neither should you.

Principle #4: Nick Sparks’ “The Warm Goodbye”

Okay, so you’ve approached a woman or a group of women and they’re being cold and mean to you. You know that you can behave like James Bond and stay poised and amused…but what do you actually do to get yourself out of the situation with your dignity intact?

Enter “The Warm Goodbye,” credit to Nick Sparks:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=b-a1jXgAsQI#t=2830

Simply put, you leave on a good note. You wish them well. In spite of everything, you try something revolutionary: a little kindness.

Hey guys, I gotta get back to my friends. But it’s been fun! I hope you have a good rest of the night. Cheers.

And you depart.

This accomplishes a few things:

• Everyone else in the room is aware of what’s going on, to some extent. If you leave with your head slunked into your chest, they’re gonna know “oh, that guy failed.” If they see you walk with your head held high, they might think “oh, he’s cool…those women are just sort of cold.
• It helps you feel better. Handling rejection with poise is a display to yourself that you can handle rejection and not let it ruin your night. It’s like watching yourself find the legs for the last lap of a hard-fought race. You’ll be amazed at your own strength, and it will fill you with pride and confidence.
• It potentially saves the interaction for later–but only if she comes up to you. PLEASE NOTE: You’re not doing this to win them over or “salvage” anything. That’s not the focus here.

Principle #5: Take Nothing Personally

Another thing Nick Sparks harps on is the ‘60/40’ principle, which basically states that whenever you approach someone, the reason it might not go well is 60% due to their feelings, their mood, their expectations, how their day is going, etc. You have some input–40%–but ultimately, you can’t take it too personally if you’re rejected. Sometimes, people just aren’t willing to give you a chance.

Principle #6: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

Remember your first time on a roller coaster? Waiting in line, with your nerves atingle, your stomach in knots? Sometimes, approaching a beautiful woman can feel like that. You’ll be much better at making the approach when you realize that there’s no untying the knot. You simply have to feel the fear and do it anyway.

If you know how to properly handle rejection, don’t fret: no matter what happens, you’ll come out on the other end a better person.

And you might just wonder what scared you so much in the first place.

Set aside a certain number of days, during which you shall be content with the scantiest and cheapest fare, with course and rough dress, saying to yourself the while: “ Is this the condition that I feared?”

-Seneca

So don’t be afraid to be rejected. If it happens, you’ll have the opportunity to say “well, I’m still alive. Still in one piece. Is that what I was so afraid of all this time? Even James Bond occasionally loses the girl. What matters is your attitude, your poise, and the warm way in which you treat people, including even those who reject you.

Handling rejection this way can result in women apologizing and re-initiating with you….but that’s not the point. The point of handling rejection this way is to keep your night going and to build your self-confidence.

When you discover that you can handle rejection like a suave man, you’ll start believing more and more that you are a suave man.

Remember: failure is a way to grow, the same way you don’t get stronger by successfully lifting a tiny amount of weight a little bit, but by lifting weight just outside your comfort zone.

Rejection can build confidence, pride, and poise. Why do men fear it so much? If they knew what you and I know, they wouldn’t.

They’d go out and handle it.

tl;dr

1. Abundance mindset: there are always more fish in the sea.
2. Take her rejection seriously. TAKE HER WORD FOR IT GUYS. There are ALWAYS MORE FISH IN THE SEA.
3. Handle it like James Bond: after rejection, find a way to smile about rejection to yourself.
4. The Warm Goodbye: Treat people who reject you with respect and wish them a good night. You’ll walk away with your head held high.
5. Most of rejection isn’t even about you.
6. Be afraid of rejection, fine, but don’t let fear stop you.
7. Handling rejection with poise and class is character-building, like weightlifting for Suaveness.