Party Throwing 101: Behind the Bar

Note: read the tips on stocking your home bar with booze, modifiers, and basic bar equipment if you’re unsure how to handle all of this.

Here’s a fun alternate definition of “suave”:

• Being one step ahead of other people, in a way that other people enjoy.

BOOM! How do you like that?

If there’s any way to be one step ahead of other people in a way that they enjoy, it’s throwing a rockin’ party.

If you want to be a cool person, throwing parties on a semi-regular basis is your duty. After all, the essence of the suave man is that he’s a good man to know, that knowing him means you’ll have a more fun life than if you don’t know him, etc. What easier way to accomplish that than by throwing the occasional party and giving some old (and new) friends a chance to kick back and have fun?

And, as any social drinker knows, a good party starts with two key ingredients:

• A good host
• Libations

This post is about doing both at once, and doing it as smoothly as possible.

The Goal of Any Party Is…

…giving people an excuse to have fun and be carefree.

It’s not to make people compliment your awesome bar tricks, or to revel in the latest music you want them to hear. Nope…

…the goal of having a party is to give people an excuse to have fun and be carefree.

Most people are living mundane lives. Work, gym, eat, sleep, work, gym, eat, sleep, repeat. Watch the calendar. Hope Saturday arrives.

Your party is here to break up that monotony, to make people feel like they’re in control of their fun–not to be the Nazi fun dictator who tells people how to enjoy themselves.

Put in the prep work, make sure you’re being generous with your time and energy, and you’ll make a great party host.

A Note on Physical Layout

You don’t have to build an actual bar in your house to pull this off. This is /r/getsuave, not /r/diy. So even if you don’t have a bar or even a countertop you can stand behind and pretend is a bar, you’re still going to want to build a “makeshift bar” for your next party. If this means putting all of your booze and bartending equipment out in the open, so be it–in fact, that will work to your benefit, as people will realize they’re encouraged to have a drink or two.

A Note on Party Format

When I say “party,” I don’t always mean a huge event where you send out electronic invites and require RSVPs (although that’s perfectly valid, and please do that occasionally as well). There are a number of ways you can have friends old and new over to your place:

• Just drinks. The standalone party–the whole party starts at your place, stays at your place, and ends at your place. Works great the better your house is. If you don’t have a lot of space, though, sometimes it’s easier to host a “Pregame” or After Party–or both, of course.
• Pregame + going out. People come over to your house for a few drinks and some nice music before grabbing a taxi and hitting up the town.
• After Party. You meet up with friends (old/new) while out and about on the town, but not before. Your house is the place to be when the bars close. For an After Party, you want some lively music cued up and ready to go. Dim/colorful lighting is a plus at these parties as well.
• Pregame + going out + After Party. The full Saturday night experience.

What kind of party you aim for can vary, so feel free to cherry-pick from these tips and just get the basic principles down: adequate preparation, good hosting, etc.

Bar Skills You Need to Learn First

• Shaking cocktails. In the equipment recommendations, I recommend you get a Boston Shaker for simplicity. I also link to this essential episode of Good Eats that deals with shaking and straining with a Boston shaker. Basically: shake a cocktail horizontally near your head with both hands, tap the shaker to break the seal, and strain into a glass carefully.
• Knowing when not to shake cocktails. Because you don’t want to pull the Tom Cruise in “Cocktails” routine every time someone asks for a rum and coke. Buy a few packs of cheap stirring straws online and let people make their own simple drinks. Offer people a specialty cocktail and if they want one, then you can make it up fancy. Otherwise you can leave them to pour their own drinks (you can be busy playing host).
• Opening a champagne bottle. Video demonstration. Have a clean kitchen towel ready. Basic steps: remove the foil, keep your thumb over the cork while you unscrew the wiring, drape the cork and bottlehead under the towel and remove the cork (the towel ensures the cork doesn’t go flying off unpredictably). I went from never opening champagne in my life to fool-proof champagne opening with this method. No muss, no fuss.
• Chilling glasses. Always a nice touch. Not really a skill, but I couldn’t think of anywhere else to put this. Some cocktails call for chilled glasses, like martinis. Frost up a few beer mugs in the freezer, too, by rinsing some clean glasses and then placing them in the freezer at least an hour before the party.
• Measuring. Don’t overserve; people will get sloppy drunk. Don’t underserve; then they’re just drinking coke or tonic water. You bought the measuring utensil from the other post, right? It contains both a 1-ounce and 1.5-ounce cup. Give people 1.5 ounces in a regular-sized drink, which is the equivalent of a shot. The 1-ounce side is usually reserved for special cocktail recipes, or you can use it to measure how much booze to give a lightweight.
• Cleaning. People (and you) will spill a little bit, so have some clean white kitchen towels nearby, ready to go. If you need something to do with your hands while talking to guests, wipe out the cocktail shaker without breaking the attention your guests deserve. Don’t obsessively clean, though; it will make people feel like they have to be extra careful.

Handling Your Party Hosting Duties from Behind the Bar

This is extremely important, especially if you’re pulling double-duty. In some of the parties I’ve thrown, I had a roommate which allowed me to stay behind the bar, or vice versa. If you’re on your own, you might have to pull a bit of double-duty. Here’s what you need to know:

• Put out the alcohol, mixers, and glasses. This doesn’t only let people know it’s available, but allows them to grab their own if they want to make a quick rum-and-coke or something. (Note: you’ll be leaving a few things behind the bar like towels and garnishes).
• Put out a snack or two. Not always required for late-night parties, but a welcome touch, especially for after parties.
• Everyone who enters gets offered a drink. Make a specific point of it. If the person is just a friend of a friend, introduce yourself first and then offer them a drink.
• Key phrase: “Can I get you something to drink? I’m making X-cocktails tonight.” You’re not saying “DO YOU WANT A MARTINI?” because then they might feel like they’re the only ones having one and that they’re putting you through trouble. The phrase “I’m making martinis tonight,” on the other hand, says you’re already making them whether they say no or not, so they’ll be more comfortable saying yes.
• It’s your job to introduce people to each other. If you invited two different sets of friends to the party and you find two strangers (who only share you as a friend) sitting at your bar, introduce them to each other. That’s being a gracious host. Believe it or not, it is not the guest’s responsibility to introduce and ingratiate themselves. You should make them feel welcome, and introducing them around accomplishes that.
• It’s your job to get the conversation going. Start asking people basic questions like “so, what’s up?” and “what’s been keeping you busy lately?” from behind the bar. You’ll be surprised at how being behind the bar gets people to open up to you.
• Make specialty cocktails, but make sure everyone can make/have their own drink. The larger your party, the more likely it is that you should leave some basic mixing ingredients so people can mix their own drinks. Have some beer around. There’s always gonna be some guy who just drinks beer.
• Recruit other people. If you’re the sole host, you’ll need to recruit some people to either manage the music or start a party game if you’re doing any. People will love having these kinds of duties, surprisingly enough, and it makes them a defacto “co-host” for the night.

Before-the-Party Bar Checklist

• Shopping. Buy: fresh soda, special drink ingredients for cocktail recipes as needed, garnishes like cherries and mint leaves, ice, and cheap beer. The cheap beer is to have on hand for that inevitable guy who only drinks beer. NEVER FORGET THE ICE and NEVER SERVE FLAT SODA.
• Clean the counter/bar! People don’t want to sit and drink at your bar if it looks like it needs fumigation.
• Put champagne on ice. I like having champagne on ice especially if I’m going to do an after party. If someone wants to drink it, say you’re saving it for the after party. It gives some mystery to the after party and lets people know that the good vibes aren’t stopping once the bars close.
• Prep your plastic bottles. Recommended in the Bar Equipment post. Squeeze fresh citrus juice hours before the party, boil up some simple syrup (if you don’t have any saved). You can buy juices, of course, but the fresh juice is a nice touch.
• Frost any beer mugs. At least an hour beforehand. Generally, you chill cocktail glasses during the specific recipe, so don’t worry about those.
• Have some garnishes handy–under the bar, if possible. It’s way more suave to not show off the fact that you have cherries ready to go.
• Put out actual cocktail napkins. Put stacks of them where people will be setting - the bar, kitchen counters, coffee tables, etc. They’re cheap to buy at party supply stores, and no one ever has them at their actual house.
• Have 2-3 clean white towels ready somewhere, but not in sight. Why white? Extra fanciness. Not required. The clean towels will be for opening champagne bottles and the inevitable bar spills.
• Print out your basic cocktail recipes and paste them behind the bar. Make them as simple to read as possible, like this. You’ll want the amounts of liquid and any steps–try to put them in chronological order to avoid mix-up (for example, in a martini, you’d set some ice in a glass to chill first.)
• Optional: Set up LED lights. * A single color LED light strip under the cabinets over where you’ll be putting your “bar” for the night is enough to add a cool touch.

What Everyone Always Overlooks

A key point here:

Before the first guest arrives, you should do everything you can to create the illusion that a party is already happening.

No, it doesn’t make sense on a conscious level, but think about it this way: have you ever been somewhere early and felt incredibly awkward because of it?

Well, if your first guest arrives on time, but you’re the only one there, you’re already setting up, and the music isn’t even yet…they’re still going to look around at the lack of guests and think, “oh, I’m early. Everyone else knew what actual time to show up at.”

That’s not a good vibe to start it off at.

So here are the tricks I use:

• Set up 50% or more of the bar/party hours in advance. You can leave time-sensitive things, like anything that requires ice, as part of the remaining 50%.
• Have two playlists ready: The actual party playlist, and a more laid-back “pre-party” playlist. Spotify is great for creating playlists. If you want to keep it simple, just make one party playlist and start that one up early.
• About ten minutes before people should start showing up, start your laid-back music and complete setting the whole thing up. If someone arrives early, guess what? They hear music, they see you’ve got everything almost set up; they feel like they were on time–and everything looks a little more effortless on your end.
• I repeat: have the music already going. So essential. You want the first guest to feel like they’re arriving at a party-in-progress, even though it’s just you there.

Voila! Offer your first guest a drink, and if they take one, have something with them, even if it’s just diet coke (to keep your wits about you)–they’ll feel more comfortable since they’re drinking with company. Two people and music can make a party, so every guest who arrives after that should get the impression that they’ve arrived with everything in full swing.