The r/GetSuave Codex
The topic of GetSuave is widespread, pertaining to building a naturally attractive, confident, fun, stylish lifestyle - think James Bond but without all the bullets.
Charisma: The Art of Being Cool and Making People Happy
by u/champagnehouse
Basic Principles
Newbs, fix your VEB. Vocal projection, Eye contact, Body language. Speak assertively, even loudly. Make consistent, relaxed eye contact, usually to the point of them looking away first–unless you’re in the ‘hood. How important is eye contact? It basically makes people fall in love with each other. Body language: well, that’s a book in and of itself, isn’t it? Do much of your speaking with your body language and above all, sit/stand up straight. FIX VEB FIRST. 90% of your confidence problems will likely be fixed right here.
Check out Nick Sparks’ “How to Hold Conversation Like a Man” You can find the link and my notes here. It’s invaluable.
People have empathy, so they feel what you feel. Especially women, but applies to everyone. Are you a depressed, morose, ill-tempered pessimist, ala Debbie Downer? No one will want to hang out with you. Keep interactions light, playful, fun, and positive when possible. Also, people mostly care about how you make them feel, so unless you’re talking to your mom, most people aren’t going to give you the benefit of the doubt when it comes to how beautiful you are on the inside. Make people laugh, however, and you’ll be welcome anywhere.
Practice makes perfect. Don’t plan on reading your way to better charisma–it takes practice. This is one reason it’s good not to just focus on beautiful women but to talk to everybody, and to make it a habit. When you enter a new venue, start talking right away, even if it’s just to say “hello” or “how’s it going?”
Amuse yourself. Ever notice how parents can sit around and watch their kids have fun at a playground, and smile all the while? The kids are amusing themselves, and since people have empathy, they feel that happiness too. Amuse yourself and guess what? The people around you will start having fun.
One of the most hilariously charming things about James Bond is that he can murder a guy in cold blood with a harpoon and his first reaction is to go for a pun–“I think he got the point.” Like, LOL, who does that? Incorrigible. Not that you should murder people with harpoons, of course.
If amusing yourself means being a little goofy, it’s okay. Just don’t go off the deep end with non-stop references to LOTR that no one understands. You have to be social too. Remember: it’s not about what you say, it’s about how you make people feel.
Be normal and relaxed. Far, FAR more effective than you think. Beautiful women are surrounded by men who unconsciously breathe tight and suck in their guts around them. Guys who stammer and stutter, or guys who swagger to impress them. Guess what? The less you change and the more you stay your normal relaxed and goofy self, the more refreshing it will be for her. She’ll go “this guy isn’t swaggering, he isn’t stammering…what’s going on? He’s…(gasp)…relaxed! He must talk to lots of beautiful women. swoon” Guys, stop wiring yourself to do too much. It’s working against you. (The problem is, many guys have different definitions of ‘normal,’ so this might actually take some practice as well.)
Helpful Videos
Inspirational Videos
- Hank Moody in “Californication” - The character constantly values his own self-amusement over any specific interaction…remind you of anyone?
- Marlon Brando in “A Streetcar Named Desire” - Look at him walking around being normal and relaxed in front of a beautiful woman. Look at that face. No tenseness whatsoever, no worries. His body language gives a “so, impress me” kind of vibe. He also has no problem walking right up and making direct eye contact.
- Clark Gable in “Gone with the Wind”. Clark Gable is the picture of -amusement basically throughout the whole movie, and subsequently it’s always fun when he shows up on screen. Every conversation with him is funny, goes new/unorthodox places, etc.–he’s always in command of himself, and he’s the picture of the suave rebellious type.
Instructional Videos
- Eye Contact Rules- Real Men Real Style
- Vocal Projection - Jeffy Allen
- How to Approach Anyone - Nick Sparks (Notes)
- How to Hold Conversation Like a Man - Nick Sparks (notes)